Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
