I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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