Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
