oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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