What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
