i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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