ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
a search helicopter?!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
