So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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