It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
