I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
