i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
