I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
