Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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