I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
