He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
