i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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