My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
