Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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