Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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