Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
