these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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