In the future we'll all be gay
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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