At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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