he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
