Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
