im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
