He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
