it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
