this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
