I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
