I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
