just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
