It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
