So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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