I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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