she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
