How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
