Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
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"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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