she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
