so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
