i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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