Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
