My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
try to milk me bitch
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