and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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