shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
