i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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