I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
