You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
