let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
