remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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