This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
