Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
