i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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