What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
