you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
