Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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