i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
