Ambien. No doubt about it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
