This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
