i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
