Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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