Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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