Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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