I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
