i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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