i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
