Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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