I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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