1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
