Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
