Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
