I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
