You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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